Star Jones, Golden Girls and a line of coke
by HorrorBaraz
Summary: Stan is alone at home, what did Roger do to his family? Fic is now done. Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

_**Authors Note: **_I love the show, bout time I wrote up a fic. Please enjoy and R&R! ~Not sure if I`ll add in more chapters. I tried to type out Klaus with a German accent but it got kinda confusing, like writing av'are rather than aware or yust instead of just.  
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Stan sat alone at the dinner table, his stomach grumbling in great hunger. In one hand he had a fork and in the other a knife.

Klaus, the goldfish with a human mind, peeked out from his bowel and stared at the CIA agent.  
"Uh…You are aware that your home alone right?" The fish asked.

"What? That's not possible…it's dinner time" Stan glanced at his watch before turning his attention back to Klaus. "Right, see, dinner time" Stan was pointing at his watch before letting out a loud gasping sound.  
"GASP! The terrorist have turned my family invisible! And during dinner time….those coy bastards!"

Klaus didn't even answer the CIA agent.

Soon enough the front door slammed open and in walked Roger the alien. He was dressed in some fancy over the top black suit and yellow tie. His wig was black with a little grey on the sides, very slick looking.

"Roger? The hell have you been-and where's the terrorist?"

The short alien opened his mouth to respond but then kept quiet. Rather than answering he just let out a heavy sigh.

"Stan do you remember last night? Hm, do you? When I told the whole family that I was invited to Star Jones 'pay the fat away' party?" The alien appeared somewhat upset that Stan couldn't remember his big speech from the night before.

"Oh…right…Guess I just forgot. Strange, I'm not this forgetful-Oh wait now I remember"

Roger smiled while closing the door behind him.

"I hate that bitch, that's why I didn't go with you guys to the party or….or whatever women with gay husband call those things"

The alien sat on the couch while turning on the T.V. "A Golden Girls marathon? Oh, hell yes!"

"Wait a second, Roger where's Francine, Steve and the other one? Shouldn't they be with you?"

"Oh Blanche you're hilarious! I bet you still get poked in hell like some underage white girl at a black block party" Roger said to himself, ignoring Stan.

"ROGER!"

" What?"

"Where are the others!"

"Oh that, yeah I lied about that. Star Jones…and…all that mess. I just needed to trade them for a few pounds of straight-A coke. Wanna do a hit?"  
Roger pulled out a large bag filled with white powder.

"You did WHAT!"

Stan run out of the house but quickly came back in. He pulled his gun out and placed it on roger's head.  
"Where did you leave them you son of a bitch!"

"Remember that Corn Maze motel? Yeah they`re over there room 304"  
Roger didn't even turn to face Stan, he was too busy with the T.V and making lines with his ill gotten Coke.

Klaus entered the living room on his little bowl, using his fins to push himself. As the fish made his present known Stan placed his gun away and stormed out of the house. The CAI agent went across the street, punched the driver side window of Terry and Greg's car, broke in and drove away.

Meanwhile Roger began to do his first line of cocaine.

"_Heiliger Bimbam_! The goddess Bea Arthur!" The goldfish stared at the T.V before noticing Roger lying on the floor with his eyes rolled all the way back.

"Um….you okay?

He asked…

THE END….?


	2. Chapter 2

"Oh, and there goes Stan breaking through the glass"  
Terry was enjoy a glass of red wine when he heard the yelling coming from across the street. He watched as the event of Grand theft auto was unfolding on his and Greg's driveway. "Oh, now he's hotwiring the car….and off he goes"  
Terry turned his attention to Greg. Neither man reacted positively or negatively, after all this wasn't the worse of what Smith had done.

Meanwhile Stan drove like a mad man to reach to Maze motel where Roger left the family. In his mind he could only imagine how scared they must be.

"Don't worry Smith family; I'm coming to save you!" He yelled.

After passing a few red lights and hitting his son's friend Toshi, who was riding his bike, Stan finally reached the motel.  
Like any CIA agent, the proud American drew his gun and very quietly headed right for room 304. He could hear what appeared to be crying coming from the room and so as he kicked down door and began to shoot.

-BANG BANG BANG-  
"Stan!"  
-BANG BANG BANG-  
"Stan!"  
-BANG BANG-  
"STAN!"

The bullets rested along the walls of the room, his family ducking down for cover.

"Stan, WHAT THE HELL?" Yelled the only blonde woman in the room.

"Francine! Oh thank god you're all okay" The CAI agent raised his arms and gave everyone a big hug.

That didn't last too long since his wife pushed him away. "I _was_ okay, till you started shooting your gun load all over the place!"

"Bu-But Roger traded you for drugs! I thought you were hurt" Stan's tone of voice just showed how worried he really was. Then turning to his son with the same manner, "I thought you were raped" The man then turned to his daughter, losing all concern in his voice, "Your already a democrat, so…not much else anyone could do to you"

"Check if he's okay mom" Steve said while his sister grew slightly depress over her father's words.

"Steve you have Stockholm syndrome. But it will be okay son…" Stan got down on one knee and offered a hug to his son. "It will be okay" He whispered.

"No dad, none of us were kidnapped, in fact we were having fun before you killed Charlie"

"Who?" The CIA agent turned around and stared at the body that lay on the ground, the body filled with holes as a pool of blood starts to grow bigger. "Oh, right"

"Stan, you killed him" Francine turned the body over, his sunglasses slipping off his face. "You killed Charlie Sheen"

The Smith family turned to face the CIA agent, waiting for a reaction. Stan then raises his gun and shoots Steve in the shoulder. The young boy yells out in pain before falling to the ground. "You all saw it right?" He started, "The illegal Mexican who shot down America's favourite mistake and the son of a law enforcement officer"

"Dad you can't just-"

-BANG-

Stan shot the floor to prove a point.

Meanwhile in room 204, just below the smith family, a young boy stands over the body of an old man. The same old man that was about to molest him if not for a heart attack he suffered. "I knew praying to Jesus would save m-" The young boy fell over as Stan's stray bullet shot right down on to the young boy's head. Blood spilling massively all over the place.

Back in room 304 Stan places his gun away while his wife helped their son back on his feet. Blood still exiting from his wound.

"Stan I am so mad at you right now, but I'm also turned on" She kisses her husband on the cheek before slapping him across the face and then she leaves with Steve by her side.

"So, what now? We just going to leave the body here?" Hayley asked.

"Don't you worry about that, if the CIA has taught me anything, it's how to hide the murder of an innocent man"

Moments later Francine and her son sat in the back seat of the stolen car while Hayley sat in the passenger seat. Stan soon came out running and hustled the automatic out from the area.

"Wait, so what did you d-"The young woman's words were cut short by a very loud explosion coming from the maze motel.

"Everything is gonna be just fine" Said the CIA agent before Charlie Sheen's head landed on the car. Everyone scream till Stan turned on the wipers.

"Wel-well at least everyone is okay now" Said his wife.

Stan was readjusting the rear view mirror, away from the image of his son bleeding to death on the backseat of the car and into the image of the once peaceful motel. He watched as the elderly owners came out, swinging their arms in pain since they both were on fire. But they were pretty far so their shouts and screams of pain were unheard.

"You know what would be awesome? A golden girls marathon" The pound American said with a smile.

THE END  
Hope you liked it, reviews would be nice!


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